I’m not here “telling my story” to rebrand myself as a person with issues who wants attention. Nope. I’m just here. I’m here showing up to engage with the world (Internet 🌎) as my actual self. This actual self is fortunate to have a blossoming career in mental healthcare and non profit leadership. This actual self is able bodied. I could go on. With that, this self has also struggled with dermatillomania, also known as excoriation disorder or compulsive skin picking, since the age of 14. And with that, comes scars, comes scabs, comes blood, comes patches. Comes botched makeup jobs and runny facial wounds, infections leading to hospitalization, days and days of not “being able” to leave the house, and an obsessive dependence on products. I have also had a range of mental health dealings over the years, including depression, generalized anxiety, and panic attacks. My eating habits & ability to care for myself are sometimes severely impaired which has been most challenging. I have also had my share of damaging relationships with substances but will save that and the other for another day. Back to my skin! My skin. My skin is something that is constantly at the forefront of my mind, yet never something I speak of. It is the reason why I did not wear a bathing suit or go swimming ever between the ages of 13 and 25. If I’m walking on the left side of the street it is probably on purpose. You have never not seen me without makeup, even if you think you have. Ive let my skin dictate so much about my life due to the debilitating consequences that excoriation has had on my self confidence. I am always hiding.
So for now, I’m here. This that I am sharing, IG, is a completely different part of me - separate from my job, my ambitions, my relationships. But this is so fucking real, so I hope you don’t mind. Maybe we can be friends.
#selflove #excoriationdisorder #dermatillomania #ocd #mentalhealth #skinpicking #skincare #acne #confidence #routines #nofilter #cosmetics #eatinghabits #depression #startingsomewhere #showingup #thisis30